dirty golf quotes dirty golf quotes

Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? A dinner without wine. 6. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. It will test your patience. All lip, no hole. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Dean Martin, He loved the game. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. It bends a little to the left. I chipped in from the rough! How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? He said. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Roarin' Mcllroy Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Knock, knock Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Why are golf and sex so similar? After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Bye Bye Birdie. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. The other 20. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. In the Golf of Mexico! If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Drops him off at the golf course! With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Family Game: Do you really know your Family? 5. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. 1. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." 2. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. 3 / 10. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. On a golf course, nature is neutered. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Choose Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. P.G. The fourth putt! In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. The threesome were curious what was going on. Golf is very much like a love affair. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. There are no absolutes in golf. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Photo: Shutterstock. Damn, my shaft's all bent. You swing left and the ball goes right. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Dirty Golf Sayings. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. 7. Why a carrot as a logo? Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Man: Please dont go. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). If you break 80, watch your business. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! "Golf is like a love affair. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. It was glorious when you did! Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. 3. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Two, be your own person. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. All of them. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Sir W.G. 7. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. 20. The battle that raged inside each players head. You must remember not to remember to think. What did the duck say to the golf ball? And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. but I can show you what is! What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. He was perfecting his swing. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Is everything okay?. Such is the game. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? Wanna be my caddy? Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? What does a golfer do on his day off? Please accept the terms of our newsletter. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. Big pupils lead to big scores. All through the night they made wild love together. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Fantastic 4-some. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. It can be difficult. I stepped on a rake.". Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. What do you call a lion playing golf? The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? Go to the golf course. Your email address will not be published. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Knock, knock Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Nothing. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. Where is the best place to go on vacation? 3. Keep your sense of humor. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Hi there! Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. 2. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. Please add a link to this site. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! 2. On the Green In Two. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. putt." Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? 8. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Wash your balls. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Sawdust City LLC. Why dont skeletons play golf? Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Its just really hard to play. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. Golf Quotes About Life 22. For true success, it matters what our goals are. If you break 80, watch your business.". "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. In case they get a hole-in-one! Oh my God, what have I just said?". This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. And that thought is: Dont think. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. What do golf and sex share in common? Just ask my ex -wives. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. 3. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. 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"The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Sometimes a good joke can lighten up the mood. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Because it would interrupt their tea time. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. You okay with that? 22. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Golf is the easiest game in the world. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. The lowest score wins. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Clubbing. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. He said. Its to move on. They dont have the heart for it. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52.