Maybe when I tried to commit suicide, I really wanted to kill Matthew? Specialness is the belief that one is invulnerable, inviolablebeyond the ordinary laws of human biology and destiny. I asked, in return, that he agree not to make any irreversible decisions. How would she have dressed or walked? Could I build a solid therapeutic relationship on such insubstantial foundations? I was sitting Vipassana for three to four hours a day. Though Marvin continued to feel anxious and depressed, he gamely continued to work in therapy. In a conversation, the content consists of the actual words uttered, the substantive issues discussed; the process, however, is how the content is expressed and especially what this mode of expression reveals about the relationship between the participating individuals. This paper advances two important aspects of the evidence-based foundation of existential therapy: therapist factors and implications for diversity/individual differences. Four major existential concernsdeath, meaning in life, isolation, and freedomplay a crucial role in the inner life of every human being and constitute the thrust of that book. She sounded like a prosecuting attorney trying to convince me of her dereliction. Also, just comes off as self-satisfied; it made the reading distasteful, and I didn't finish in the end. How can I detoxify this for you? Hypnosis works for stupid people or people with weak wills. Obviously there lay the key and I began the second session by exploring the events of six months ago. More than anything, I felt sorrow. My mother is a crazy, embittered lady, and I grow more like her every day. Had she wasted her life? I felt relieved that he had been willing to share so much with methe only bright spot I saw in the session so far. Early in my career, I worked in a maximum security prison where the least heinous offense committed by any of my patients was a simple, single murder. Their shoes were on the wrong feet. I, too, had never reread the letters. Three pairs of sunglasses. The whole dreadful catastrophe. How could she give it up? Though I could write a clinical article about Marge or tell colleagues about the course of therapy, I could never really convey the essence of my experience with her. Could it be that he found me? I am choking on darkness. Does stress increase side effects?. First, I couldnt get a slide out of the projector to put in another. Sometimes when I get deep into thought, I feel that it would not be possible for himthe person who taught me to be opento devise a more terrible punishment than total silence. Or only part honest, or easy honest? TERM PAPER: LOVE EXECUTIONER (AND OTHER TALE OF PSYCHOTHERAPY) In this Fascinating book Love's Executioner and other Tales of Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Yalom, we can appreciated different techniques used in a session of Psychotherapy, this book was easy to read and understand and especially it was very addictive, making it the perfect tool and inspiration for psychology students who are . Why not relieve myself of all this aggravation and burn them? I am overtaking her and realize that death is inevitable. She thought about our discussions between sessions, had long imaginary conversations with me during the week, looked forward to our meetings, and felt angry and disappointed when business travel caused her to miss meetings. Why? There are ten stories: 1) Love's Executioner 2) "If Rape Were Legal." 3) Fat Lady 4) "The Wrong One Died" I felt caught. Then later I could always make contact in the cemetery. Matthew entered. Asking me to keep the letters might, thus, be a way of perpetuating our special, and private, relationship. I colluded with him in the fiction about his back injury. Damn, she was stubborn! Suddenly, she stopped talking. They are dressed entirely in black. I told you she doesnt believe in psychiatry, but it goes far beyond that. The pre-Socratics defined hubris as insubordination to divine law; I was insubordinate, of course, not to divine law but to natural law, the laws that govern the flow of events in my professional field. She was so scared, sobbing so hard, having so much trouble saying it, that it was incredibly painful. But in those first weeks I was also aware of a cruel voice within me, a voice saying, Good God, if shes losing it that fast, think of how much food she must have been putting away!. I think my quarry is illusion. How could Chrissie talk about dying to a mother who continued to pretend it wasnt happening? When that failed, she considered searching for a job in California but ultimately decided to return to New York. Given the choice of discussing the dream from the perspective of death or of sex, Marvin, with dispatch, chose the latter. If two people share a moment or share a feeling between them, if they both feel the same thing, then I can see how it might be possible for them, as long as they are alive, to re-establish that precious feeling between the two of them. Not every thing you say is maaaaaarvelllous. In a way he stood between me and the grave. The process has been long and Ive no doubt lost names along the way. Saul would fill me in soon enough. What had they experienced when Chrissie was dying? It was my idea to invite Matthew, my idea to ask him the questions you did. I thought I saw her nod her head. If one feels in no way responsible for ones predicament, then how can one change it? is a 70-year-old married Caucasian woman who, as a result of a five-month, once-weekly course of therapy . I must have misheard her and asked her to repeat herself. Its been quite a week.. Why slit open and empty? Just a week previously, she woke up to find herself in a drugstore checkout line with a gift for Chrissie in hand, a stuffed animal. She reminded me of Marjorie Main, the tough-talking movie star of the 1930s, now long dead. Students have told me they were more willing to plod through dry theory knowing there would likely be an interesting tale just around the bend. Furthermore, since I was leaving on sabbatical in three months, there was insufficient time for a decent course of psychotherapy. Who or what was he loving? One of the reasons she wanted to merge in love, and be obliterated by it, was to escape the terror of facing obliteration by death. Yet she remained indifferent to me. It was pointless to begin by addressing her weight. My desire to change Maries vision, to teach her to look within, to dream, to fantasize, to extend her horizons? No response. Love her, love her eating. Would those words from Matthew really release her? The hardest part for me in our work together is the frustration I have at the amount of distance you put between us. I looked forward to seeing her and being with her. But it was also important that he continue attending his therapy group. Now he took out his notepad and began to read a series of dreams:Phyllis was distraught that she hadnt been good to me. None of these things. He crossed his legs and noted his scuffed and battered shoes: And Im not my shoes either. He began to wiggle his toes and his feet hoping to attract his bosss attention so as to proclaim to him, I am not my shoes!. Besides, he was a person who wanted to try everything once, and he had never before spoken to a psychiatrist. Go ahead. That desire must have been percolating on the back burner as I pursued my academic career, for as I began writing these ten stories, I sensed I was on the way to finding myself. I took the letter out of my pocket and started playing around with it. Dave presented his reasons straightforwardly. His death was not one of the dark, muffled, conspiratorial passings. How to start? I, too, had my sack of letters from a long-lost love. Its a hell of a lot tougher facing something that threatens your life right now than something that happened a year or two ago. First, she responded in a teasing way (I told you all along thats what I needed). I didnt think so: her body contour, from chin to toes, had always been smoothly globular. It could come at any instant, she said, when I least expect it. For years her father had saved money and planned a family trip to Europe only to develop a brain tumor shortly before the departure date. Hers was malfunctioning: it was located too close to the surface of her body. I often mistakenly think I see him, and rush up to greet some stranger. A couple of weeks ago, for example, some out-of-town guests called to ask if they could view his collection of political buttons. God knows he had no one else to talk to!) I thought that now she was closer to ripping or gouging than to crying. You cant go on living a lie or an illusion! Why would he not see her or even speak to her on the phone? Our conjectures about Phyllis had been close to the mark: she often had to swallow her own feelings of inadequacy in order not to agitate Marvin. By approximately the sixth session, I had worn her down andto humor me, I believeshe agreed that the obsession was the enemy and had to be extirpated. I knew I was taking a risk. She was hit by a cable car and got a new face. A one-percent chance for what?, For what? Never have I felt so keenly the dual role of the therapist as participant-observer. Thats an elaborate piece of work, I said. Thelma, this continual rumination about Matthewfor shorthand, lets call it an obsession, Those twenty-seven days were a great gift, she said, bristling. Dave had frequently enacted that type of scenario. Obviously, it was a fiction that Matthew had any real power over her. There is almost no chance hell say what I hope hell say. I like to eat, too. The closer we looked, the more apparent it was that everything led back to him, to his death, and to the one hundred fifty pounds Betty weighed at that time. You remember them?, Id offer profuse apologies, prostrate myself, spread innuendoes that I had advanced cancer (that has never failed). I began to wonder if you had told him everything about me and Dr. Z. I liked Dr. C. very much. I suggested several options: to see the two of them myself; to refer them to someone else; or to refer Phyllis to a female therapist for a couple of sessions and then for the four of usPhyllis, Marvin, I, and her therapistto meet in conjoint sessions. Thats why I felt uncomfortable with her somehow, and so set about exploring it. She hated those who did not put her at ease. Tears poured down upon her new blue dress until Matthew, outracing me, handed her the box of tissues. Another one of Marges late-night phone calls! In the end they come to fill out so completely the curve of his cheeks, to follow so exactly the line of his nose, they blend so harmoniously in the sound of his voice that these seem to be no more than a transparent envelope, so that each time we see the face or hear the voice it is our own ideas of him which we recognize and to which we listen. And evolution, too, referred to her, not to Chrissie. Or any other way? Though she had reassured me that she would be all right, I had been greatly concerned about her. I was struck by the tenacity of her love obsession, which had possessed her for eight years with no external reinforcement. I didnt know what to say. How could Jeff forget when Penny papered the walls with Chrissies picture, slept on her bed, turned her room into a memorial? Especially oral sexI think I told you that when Im in panic, she takes my penis in her mouth and my bad feelings just melt away. How could I, I wondered, meet the dreamer? She knew that I only pretended to treat Marge as an equal. In these six compelling tales of therapy, Yalom introduces us to an unforgettable cast of characters: Paula, who faces death and stares it down; Magnolia, into whose ample lap Yalom longs to . Was I walking into a trap? . Youve got a good head. supplies an answer to how questions (How do I live?). . Though I was chilled by the inhumaneness of my metaphor, I wondered: Might not the same principle hold here? We tried on 1940s evening dresses at old clothes stores. At times I thought of our work as cannibalistic. I believe youre operating in the having to mode right now. We soon moved from sex into the deeper waters of her basic sexual identity. Surely he can send some of that loving-kindness my way!. Dave teased and joked about it but adamantly refused to state his age: he would not jeopardize his chances of scoring with one of the women in the group. Before proceeding, I considered alternatives: Was I being too hasty, too active? I had seen Marvin for the first time only a few minutes earlier when I went out to my waiting room to fetch him. Even though we continued our work together for many months after the hour Me appeared, and though Marge and I eventually stopped talking about her, I have never forgotten her: she flits in and out of my mind at unexpected times. Although Penny did not ask for more time, it was obvious we had to meet again. Published in 1989, Love's Executioner is one of Yalom's collections of case studies. How do you feel about the role-playing, Thelma? It is time to go? These were real people therenot sources of information. Penny said she hardly noticed his going. Elva had been traumatized and now-suffered from commonplace post- traumatic stress. Ive always believed that its as important to find out what makes one better as it is to determine what makes one worse, so I asked her what had made the difference. Furthermore, he rapidly reinstituted our old relationship: he once again felt warmly toward me, thanked me for sticking with him, and expressed regret at having given me such a hard time the last few weeks. He didnt give a damn about Martha and me, he was just getting his sexual kicks. Had I referred her to a therapy group as a way of dumping her or, at least, sharing the load and getting her partly off my hands? She presented her true case history so poignantly and convincingly that I was fully persuaded. Blush often awoke surprised to find that Brazen had emptied her bank account and bought sexy gowns, red lace underwear, and airline tickets for jaunts to Tijuana and Las Vegas. So, as I was saying, I flip back and forth from feeling good to feeling anxious and depressedboth togetherand it is always in the depressed states that the headaches occur. The collection of ten absorbing tales by master psychotherapist Irvin D. Yalom uncovers the mysteries, frustrations, pathos, and humor at the heart of the therapeutic encounter. She giggled at my question: Do you believe, Elva, that the more of these you eat, the thinner you will become? A plastic sack of old orange peels (You never know, Elva, when these will come in handy). The ending of our relationship led Penny to discover one final layer of grief. Do you mean extramarital affairs?, My question shocked Marvin. . The inevitability of DEATH for each of us and for those we love. He said he didnt bother to ask Phyllis: he knew shed raise hell. The surgeon admits that was true. Hes the one person who has ever known everything about me. Why kill herself to make mortgage payments? She said his elevator didnt go to the top floor. He was absent: even when he was there, he was absent. And her daughter-in-law? The message:He is building up a case against you. I had tried a more conservative approach for four months and had resorted to a radical intervention only when it was apparent I had no other choice. Was it his innuendoes about suing his neurologistand trying to draw me into it? When I imagine him dead, a great sadness descends. Just tell me when he died! Eventually Saul obtained the exact date of death and, through some fast arithmetic, established that Dr. K. must have died before the journal could have reached him, and thus could not have read Sauls article. What are you going to tell her about your health?, When I get to know her better, Ill tell her the truththat Ive got cancer, that its under control now, that the doctors can treat it., That the doctors arent sure whats going to happen, that there are new treatments discovered every day, that I may have recurrences in the future., What did the doctors say to you? What about all the other feelings going on inside you that you havent expressed? I dont want to get closer to them.. I was determined to pursue my research plans: to learn as much as possible about chronic bereavement and to design a structured interview protocol. Now every week was a bad week. Youre putting feelings into my mouth. I think its time to let up on yourself. It was time to finish the job. There is your Harry, and there is my Sonia.. (Maybe that would be sufficient. These disturbing feelings had vastly compounded Bettys weight problems. You talk about having done nothing, having accomplished nothing, not being fit to exist, but we both know that these ideas are a state of mind. Beware of stripping a patient who cant bear the chill of reality. How much of her grief, then, was for all her unrealized hopes? . Ive won, you know.. In the mail I saw that it had come . Have you ever seen a case of manic-depression starting at sixty-four? It is through willing, the mainspring of action, that our freedom is enacted. Pennys grief was stuck, gridlocked.