This responsibility for others happiness ultimately causes anxiety. I believe since you have awareness that you have sacrificed some of your own happiness to benefit your parent, it might be a signal to start tending to your own needs. Someone abused you. When I started reading these books it was like a light went off and I felt like I could breathe. Video here. One of the reasons I can't do my hw is I know it'll make me happy but that makes me feel uncomfortable because I've spent my whole life worrying about her happiness and her needs while sacrificing mine. The idea is to use the letters in STOP to remind you how to STOP your own self-caused suffering: S = See what you are doing to yourself. Just recognizing that you are hurting yourself is a big step forward. P = Practice. It's always nice to be able to look at a book and start to read it before buying it just in case it isn't for you. A like-minded woman who empowers . My husband is very social and we have a big group of friends. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. You are responsible for only your happiness. Any suggestions? Oh, now I see what I need to do in the future. Ill look at this as a challenge rather than as a problem. This self-talk will help you develop a growth mindset, to use the phrase of researcher Carol Dweck. You feel to blame if your child goes off in a bad way. 2. We have to trust that no one will change until they want to be changed. You need to understand what you have power over and what you don't. You don't have the power to make your husband choose the right attitude, behavior, words. Youre not to blame for everything, but you are responsible for yourself. Its hard not feeling guilty when your mom makes you feel like a bad daughter for not including her in everything. Some unhappiness and misery is inevitable. Could you STOP right now? In fact, rejecting how you feel either the happiness or the guilt can be harmful, says Natasha Bailen, MA, a graduate student at Washington University in St. Louis. My 21-Day Meditation Challenge can help you feel calm, connected and more in touch with your inner voice of wisdom. Or books on this topic specifically? We simply cannot be responsible for another's happiness. AgingCare.com does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment; or legal, or financial or any other professional services advice. Not something anyone can go to Amazon and just buy. He is caring enough to notice that I sometimes flinch around him and he's worried. Attract everything you want with my most impactful meditations. If you really loved me. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. This question has been closed for answers. How to tell between BPD behaviors and dementia behaviors? Ask yourself: Would I like to change? Many of life's difficulties are out of your control. Happy children are ones who feel safe to express themselves in healthy ways, whatever they might be thinking or feeling. I used to think that at some point my parents would wake up and realize what they had been doing to me. Please stop. Im cold. You feel like youre going to have a nervous breakdown when you hear about turbulent world events. Get out and spend time with friends and create your own positive environment which will also work to lessen the effects you feel from your mom's criticisms. Realizing that you are helpless in a situation can often be more terrifying than the false but oddly comforting belief that you have control. And, in fact, trying to take on the responsibility of another person's happiness can hurt them in the long run and deprive them of miracles. Mom wants her room to be over 80 degrees most of the time. I am the original poster and I would like to thank everyone for responding. Just like you, others are subject to a complex set of causes and conditions so nothing is entirely their fault. Because you wrote MY story! What would I do if she died? The way he reacted to me yesterday must mean that he doesnt really love me, despite what he says. If my boss fires me, Ill never be able to find another job and will end my life in dire poverty.. Please don't give up! And, in fact, trying to take on the responsibility of another persons happiness can hurt them in the long run and deprive them of miracles. Stop beating yourself up for everything that goes wrong. Skip to the front of the line by calling (888) 848-5724. She is not going to change this while this stays true. Sometimes its easier to blame yourself for a problem than to accept that the situation was never within your control. I also share some resources for anxiety and mental health in this post. Such a process helps couples cut the symbiotic umbilical cord between them and dare to share their pain honestly, with no avoidance or censorship, and even without the need to solve or protect their spouse. You're very welcome, Maria! Her work can be found on Role Reboot, Alternet, and on her blog: Two Parts Smart-Ass; One Part Wisdom. trustworthy health. There is a book that is broader than this specific topic but has wisdom that applies to taking responsibility for others' happiness. I find her work in general very helpful for living peacefully with yourself. Feeling responsible for others' happiness is a complex relationship of interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. AgingCare.com does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment; or legal, or financial or any other professional services advice. Misery-Maker 5: Blaming other people and situations for things you can control or passively accepting what you could change. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. My parents have lived in this small town for over 40 years and she has no friends (doesn't want any), no hobbies, no church or other group affiliation, no family, just me. But if you decide to take full responsibility for yourself, you can learn to step back from these patterns and make happier and healthier choices. I help deep thinking, heart-centered spirits find greater ease emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Thats not to say we shouldnt feel good when things go well. My parents followed me all around the country until my ex got a job offer in NYC..that's when they moved to FL since they couldn't afford to live back East. For example, speak out like this: I didnt like it when you said that. Get personalized guidance from a dedicated local advisor. I'm a senior care specialist trained to match you with the care option that is best for you. I have a "Debbie Downer" friend. Just remember that many different factors came into play for that moment to arise, even the fact that your parents acted on their affinity for one another and gave you your life. You do . A practice of gratitude is one of the easiest and most rewarding good habits you can develop. 4-6 If you have said 'yes' to nearly half you are probably in the process of separating but need to go further. Looking for suggestions. If you want someone to understand you, speak up. Site last updated March 4, 2023, Stressed, Anxious When Things Are Good? A Course in Miracles teaches that spirit accepts and the ego analyzes. Codependency For Dummies. spirituality, Gut Health: My Experience with SIBO, Gut Inflammation, GERD and Stress, Blogs Misery-Maker 9: Falling for the belief that you cant change. Hi! I was finally able to BREATHE. I help deep thinking, heart-centered people find greater ease emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I feel stuck, depressed and looking for a break. Responsibility pie chart. Then ask yourself: Was I really responsible for what happened? Is it really my fault that he didnt ask me out again? Can I really control her drinking? Remind yourself that you can only really control your own behavior. I was told that he's not responsible for my emotional reaction because he cannot help that I was hurt. Is it? Its shocking how cruel we can be to ourselves. Responsibility allows you to create principles, morals and helps you to lead your life. With love, Sandra. Misery-Maker 4: Blaming yourself for things you cant control. When youre experiencing beautiful shifts and miracles, you often want to help others. I am caretaker and my parents (and I) are in a health crisis. :), My anxiety triggered from a bully in authority I don't remember a lot of what he said but I remember saying over and over again to stop mind-messing me and you don't know who I am hours of this went on I have never been the same so much of the past which was locked tightly away the flood gates were open and I don't know how to close the gates I try for help but I'm so mixed up no one seems to know how to help me I am giving up and letting myself fall through the cracks of the system I'm too tired the battle within my brain wins this time. I am their POA. I can't handle this on my own. No one has the right to emotionally abuse you. Mental health is not hard . I'm taking care of both my parents 24/7. By consistently practicing to accept someone where they are and see them with compassion, you realign with your true love nature. It means you allow them to be where they are and you dont try to change them. And I've found it is a mistake to "keep the peace" in someone else's marriage. AgingCare.com connects families who are caring for aging parents, spouses, or other elderly loved ones with the information and support they need to make informed caregiving decisions. My parents moved down the street from me 15 years ago. When you take responsibility for everyone and everything, wittingly or unwittingly, you can throw yourself into a cycle of anxiety, stress, and sometimes depression as well. While humans make themselves suffer in many ways, here are 10 common sources of self-caused suffering, which I've dubbed "Misery-Makers," along with 10 suggestions for stopping: Misery-Maker 1: Inventing and dwelling upon painful inner dramas that have little or no basis in fact. Sometimes I believe that all parents do things for their. You were NEVER responsible for your mom's happiness (or lack thereof). :). Best of all, your shift in energy gives you momentum to continue releasing judgment so you can feel complete and free. Keep in mind, this is all before they even turned 80, so not talking about super-aged here. The solution is simple though it might not be easy:Stop blaming yourself, stop blaming others. She led a study about . Examples: There was a fiery crash on the interstate. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Sometimes, it may not feel this way because you often act out of habit and long-standingmental and emotional patterns. Being responsible brings us many benefits. I can help you compare costs & services for FREE! Just let them meet themselves.